Friday, August 9, 2013

10 Things I’ve Learned in 10 Years of Marriage–#5. Maintain Your Girlfriends

Marriage Tip #5

I clearly alluded to this same tip in my last marriage post, here, but indulge me in allowing me to provide further explanation as to how beneficial your girlfriends can be!

#1. You need a shopping buddy, and your husband is probably not the right person. Winking smile 

#2. Chick flicks! I don’t see them often, but every once in awhile, I get sucked in. The last one I saw was “Safe Haven”. I’m confident my husband would rather poke his eye out with a spork than to have seen this movie. Or worse yet (for him anyway) listen to 2 hours of country music.

#3.  Girl’s nights. There’s just something about kicking back with a group of your closest friends, laughing, sharing kid stories, etc. that simply makes the heart happy.

#4. She’ll tell you the truth. Not that your husband won’t, but if you ask him if you look fat in your new dress, and he were to actually tell you that yes you do indeed, look fat in the dress, you might punch him in the face (or worse, withhold sex! DON’T do this ladies, seriously…while you think you might be gaining an upper hand, you’re just leaving the door open for him to find that fulfillment elsewhere). Your girlfriends have that way of being honest, without damaging your ego too badly.

#5. You need a sounding board. Not if, but when you get frustrated with your husband, it’ll be helpful to have a girlfriend to process with, and gauge whether your emotions are legit, or totally out of whack. Word of caution, however, just as women run on love, men run on respect. So don’t go around bad-mouthing your man or saying such awful things your friend will never be able to respect him. Try to share your frustrations in a logical fashion. In other words, try to present the scenario in a way that is unbiased. She’ll also be able to provide better feedback/advice that way, too.

#6. It’ll make you a better person. It’s unrealistic to expect that your husband will provide you with everything you need. You need support from other people and not become completely codependent on your husband. That won’t be healthy for either of you. We should always go to God first, with everything, but God also intended for us to have support from others. And ladies, we need support from our fellow ladies!


One more thing to note on this topic…

Notice the depth of the friendship described here, and the word “maintain” in the tip. In order to maintain girlfriends, you have to make an effort. You need to call them, email, text, plan play dates, plan girl’s nights, etc. Friendships don’t just magically happen (or rarely do). You have to show the person you care.

This is something that I’m working on, and need to. I’m blessed with some amazing girlfriends, that apparently love me faults and all, because I often get caught up in my own, silly, busy world, and forget to say “Hey, we need to hang, and talk meaningfully, instead of in between yelling at my kid and changing a diaper.”

So to my girlfriends…you know who you are…bear with me as I learn. And point it out when I’m failing, please, I’m giving you permission. I love you deeply and am thankful to YOU for helping me to be a better person.


P.S. – Take pictures with your girlfriends! I went to find some with mine, and seriously? I have like 10,000 of my kids, and like 3 with girlfriends…maybe. So watch out friends, I may start making you take selfies with me! hehe

Okay, I’ll at least leave you with this gem I found of one of my longest girlfriend relationships from waaay back in jr. high. Love you Kel!

Becky, Kelly and Julie at Dland

Oh my word! I just laughed out loud, with tears, for maybe like 5 minutes after giving this a good look over. My husband asked why I do this to myself and I said, “’Cuz sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself!”

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