If you have yet to watch this video, or simply need a good laugh, please go watch it before reading the remainder of this post.
Man do I wish I had learned this one earlier on in our marriage! Not only would it have saved both my husband and I a LOT of frustration, but many of my problems would’ve been solved waaay sooner than they were!
Let me start with an example of something from real life…
I asked my husband to help me come up with an example, and surprisingly…we had to go a ways back to come up with one, but, here goes!
Pre-kid days, I was a teacher and had an unfortunate situation in which the principal was not above moral reproach. The students, myself, his staff and many others paid a high price.
I would frequently come home complaining and needing to talk out some anger about the situation. Sweet hubby kept pointing out what steps I should take to fix the situation. “No, you’re not listening!” Sound familiar?
So, let’s be real here. We’re women. We talk. A lot. Probably a lot more than we need to. And that’s partially just how we run! So I’m not telling you to never hash out your struggles and problems with anyone, I’m just telling you to not hash them out with your husband, if you can avoid it. He honestly DOES NOT GET THE NEED FOR PROCESSING and simply wants to FIX IT! I had an aha moment that finally helped me understand how LITTLE he comprehends your need to talk things through. I equated him listening to my long drawn out stories about my frustrations, to him excitedly telling me about his most recent battle against the troll and how he leveled up and received a new pet in doing so (sorry hun, I’m working really hard to care!!). “What does that even mean” you ask yourself? EXACTLY! They don’t get it, and don’t wanna hear your half hour long rendition of why you’re torn up (maybe if you could sum it up in 2 minutes?).
So when you feel the need to talk about “your nail”…
Talk to God first.
Often times, that’s all you end up needing! I mean, He did create the world, I’m certain He can handle helping you through your problems, right? But, God also understands our need for human interaction.
Find a girlfriend.
A girlfriend ladies. Not a slew of them so you end up sharing your stories over and over again, reliving them exhausting your mental capacities simply for the sake of talking it out. Seek out ONE trusted girlfriend who understands your need to talk something through and share your feelings with them.
And on those very rare occasions when a girlfriend is not available, or simply nobody else will do other than your husband, begin your “storytelling” with the following words…
“HONEY, WOULD YOU JUST LISTEN?”
And proceed, knowing that if he answers yes, he loves you a gosh darn awful lot! Because he is solely listening for that reason alone – he loves you. Absolutely no other reason.
Consider taking action about your “nail situation”. =) In other words, fix it!
Once you get in the habit of sharing with your girlfriends instead of your husband, you might actually find yourself coming to your husband for…*gasp* actual advice and an answer! Yes, you might actually come to him in hopes that he will fix it. You’ll learn that it’s far less emotionally exhausting to just let him provide you with the answer, versus spewing all your emotional garbage before hearing said answer. And let me tell you how much more at peace and productive you will be in life! I’m still learning, I still hash things out, even with my patient sweet hubby. But I’m making progress, and that’s why my marriage is still flourishing, I’m WORKING AT IT! =)
So, in closing…
#6. pipe down about “the nail” and consider fixing it