10 Things I’ve Learned in 10 Years of Marriage–#4. Study Your Husband

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My husband and I dated for 2 years before getting married, but one of those two years we spent halfway across the country from one another. So not much “studying of my husband” (well, boyfriend at the time) was going on (other than how hot he was – and seeing as it was long distance, not even a whole lot of that was going on). And let’s face it, when you’re newly married, you can’t help but get caught up in the excitement and fun of it all! While you’re head over heels in love with your husband, realistically, you’re not really, truly studying him for those first few years, unless you choose to be intentional about it.

Things I’ve learned about my husband by studying him…

1. To unwind, he plays video games.

2. He is a homebody. Socializing does not energize him.

3. He eats a light breakfast and lunch, and is famished when he gets home!

4. Simple ways are best when it comes to expressing that I love him.

5. He’s FOCUSED! And by that, I mean, he could literally go a month without realizing I swapped out pictures in our house. This doesn’t imply he’s not aware, he just tends to have a narrow focus on the task at hand.

Those just scratch the surface, but are helpful for knowing things like…

1. When (and when NOT) to have important conversations with him (for example – do NOT bring up anything important while he’s playing video games or right before bed)

2. How often (or infrequently as the case may be) I can book a “social agenda” for us as a couple

3. He’s SOOO interested in what we’re having for dinner (see #3 above)

4. Giving him a night to play games, or simply telling him how thankful I am that he works so I can stay at home with the kids are better ways to show him I love him than concocting some elaborate scavenger hunt date night. While he would gather that I loved him by doing so, it would not be necessary, so why I ask you, why?

5. I should not be offended when he fails to notice that I cleaned the kitchen, or added a new piece of décor. It’s not that he didn’t appreciate it, it’s simply not on his manly radar.

By studying your husband, you can learn to love him in a way that HE feels truly loved. So, for example, while I would totally melt if my husband were to randomly surprise me and take me out swing dancing (HINT HINT), he would be kinda irritated (social activity, not in the house).

So, to help maintain a strong marriage, study your husband and love him the way HE wants to be loved (not the way you think he should be loved, ‘cuz chances are, that ain’t it).